What the Ballz is that guy Talking about?
by Great Question
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the hell Hibari has on his iPod? What the hell Mukuro does when he's in control of Chrome's body? These questions answered and more in... "The What Files"
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Don't Own.

If you have What the Hell questions, please ask.

* * *

Prologue

You stare blankly at the screen, the static quickly dissipating, an image of Reborn appearing on the screen.

"Ciaossu, I am Reborn, holder of the yellow pacifier and expert hitman employed by the Vongola family 10th generation boss. What I'm about to show you my shock, disturb, and maybe cause you to laugh. Have you ever wondered what the hell Hibari has on his iPod? What the Hell Mukuro does when he's in control of Chrome's body? And What the hell would happen if the Guardians' personalities were swapped with that of the Ouran High School Host Club? Many have, and now that you're watching this video, I shall present to you, The What Files"

You stare anxiously as the first story begins.


	2. File 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Song or Characters

* * *

What Files, First: "What the Hell does Hibari listen too on his iPod?"

The Screen flickered and an image of a young black haired boy appeared.

Kyoya Hibari, the Vongola Guardian given the cloud ring. He demands respect from both his minions, his enemies, even his boss, and Disobedience usually ends with the reception of a tonfa to the face. But one thing was on everybody's mind:

"What the hell does Hibari listen too on his iPod?"

The current boss of the Vongola family, Tsunayoshi Sawada, meet with his guardians for lunch on a Sunday afternoon. Half-way during lunch, the guardian of the Cloud, Hibari, got up.

"I've got Prefect work", with this short sweet and too the point sentence, he grabbed the earphones out of his pockets, put them on, then walked off. The rest of the guardians sat quietly until one great storm blew out a question.

"What do you think he listens too on his iPod?" Though Hayato Gokudera's question was random, he did have a point.

"I've also wondered that"

"Me too"

"What does he listen too to the extreme!"

A half hour after the cloud guardian left, the discussion had reached a boiling point. "Chrome! You work with the guy, what does he listen too?"

"She wouldn't know, after the incident with the laptop, she wouldn't touch anything of Hibari's if there was an antidote in it." Everyone swiftly jerked their heads to the direction of the Mist guardian, who for some reason was referring to herself as if she was someone else... Wait a second...

"Why are you talking like that Chrome?" The first one to respond was Kyoko, wondering about he friend.

"Because I could hear your conversation from inside her head and I decide I'll help you, in exchange for letting me have your boss's body." Of course, it was Mukuro, up to his usual schemes.

"No!" Which were quickly rejected.

"...Then how about for a day?"

"No."

"For an hour?"

"No."

"Okay, how about for 5 dollars?" Apparently he was willing to comprimise.

"Deal to the extreme!" Ryohei slammed 5 bucks onto the table, which Mukuro put into his/her pocket.

"Okay, give me a minute" Her eyes closed, and seconds later Chrome opened her eyes with a confused look.

"What's going on... why do I have 5 bucks in my pocket?" Apparently the simultaneous conscienceness thing wasn't the same for the both of them.

"Well... You see..." Tsuna started to explain.

"Okay, I'm back!" But was cut off by the returning conscienceness of Mukuro Rokudo. He took a drink of soda, adding suspense to the situation.

"Well..." Gokudera said.

"Well what?" The jerk replied sarcastically.

"What was he listening too!" Everyone yelled wondering what the answer too be.

"Okay, just yanking your chain. Though I don't know the name of the song, it went something like:

_I like big butts and I can not lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung_"

Everyone's jaw dropped and so did their respect for the cloud guardian.


	3. File 2

What Files 2

* * *

The screen flickers, a white ring appears through the static, the ring turns into the violet eye of a woman, the image of a boy with long black hair smiling reflects in it. Seconds later, static appears and then the screen turns black, and white words appear.

"Having watched this, you will die in one week from now at this time. If you want to live--", but before it could finish, the screen changed to the arcobaleno Reborn, "Have you ever wondered why Kyoya Hibari sleeps a lot?"

No matter how hard you scream at the TV to go back, the video continues into the story.

Case File #2: Why Does Hibari Sleep So Much?

One Autumn day in Namimori everyone was busy with clean up of an after party from a special school celebration. Everyone was busy cleaning up, including the vongola family guardians, and the prefects, while their leader sat in a window seal looking out the window in a melancholic fashion.

Though no one would dare to ask what he's thinking, the game "Guess what Hibari's thinking" suddenly became popular when he sat like this, but since they would never know what's the real answer, the fad would soon dwindle.

Though some people knew not to mess with Hibari, out of fear of getting a tonfa smashed into their skull, but something seemed wrong with the cloud guardian today. Assistant Prefect captain Tetsuya Kusakabe ordered some of the new disposable low ranking prefects to go over there and see what's wrong. After some "Persuading" they walked over to the captain.

"C-c-captain?"

"Hm..."

"Are you... okay? DON'TKILLME!"

"Yes I'm fine. Thank you for asking," Hibari shockingly said with a smile. Everyone that heard stopped like lightning just struck.

Gokudera stopped, dropped his box and ran over to Tsuna.

"Boss! Boss! Hibari just..." But as he ran he accidentally pushed Tsuna knocking him forward, "BOSS!"

Tsuna stumbled forward and hit someone, he slowly looked forward, meeting the dark gray eyes of the cloud guardian.

"Uh...Um..."

"You okay Tsuna? You should be more careful." This time everyone in the room stopped like a bolt of lightning had just shot through the room. Moments later, everyone in the room was in a panic.

"He's a Robot!"

"It's the Varia! They've replaced Hibari with a robot!"

"No! It's the funeral wreathes! Torakabuto must have infiltrated the school and replaced Hibari!"

"Oh no no no kiddies," Everyone turned around and meet the refreshing smile from the suspected robot, "I'm not a robot, nor am I a spy. You guys are so silly"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WITH THAT REFRESHING SMILE!" Almost everyone screamed.

In the middle of the confusion, one undisturbed mist guardian walked up to the cloud. "Um... Kyoya-san?"

"Yes Chrome-chan?" Insert another lightning bolt shock.

"By any chance are you sleepy?" Everyone stopped.

"Yeah... I think so..."

"Then you better take a nap, let's go to the Prefect lounge." She grabbed his hand and started to lead him away.

"Okay, but only for an hour or so. I'll need beary..."

"I got him right here." Chrome pulled a teddy bear out of nowhere and handed it to Hibari. He did a happy little squeal that caused everyone to shudder.

At that moment everyone learns that when Hibari doesn't get enough sleep, he turns into a nice guy. Sure enough, an hour later he was back to his regular self, and he has no memory of his sleepy state. That's why he always takes those naps in between classes. No one knew what to do about this, so everyone just decided to keep quiet about the incident.


	4. File 3 & 4

Quick one I came up with an hour ago.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, But I Do own some of the quotes.

* * *

File 3:What are some Quotes you'll never hear the cast saying?

**Tsuna**: "I'm going to be the next Vongola boss!

"Screw my friends!"

"They just pull me down!"

**Gokudera**: "I don't care about being the boss' right hand man!"

"Hey Yamamoto! How's it going man?"

"Hey Big sis!"

"Eshishishi" (Bel's Laugh)

**Yamamoto**: "I can't do this..."

"You have great hair Squalo!"

"Screw you Gokudera, I'm going to be the right hand man!"

**Ryohei**: "Don't talk so loud"

"You have cool hair Lussaria!"

"BOXING SUCKS!

**Chrome**:"Kiss me boss."

"Screw you guys! I love Hibari-sama!"

"You! Bring me some soup!"

"Hibari's one sexy beast!"

**Mukuro**:"Let's all be friends!"

"I like Tacos!"

**Hibari**: (Everything from the previous File)

"If you wanted my balls so bad, You should have come to get them yourself!" (Air gear Yoshitsune's Battle Quote)

"I LOVE CHROME!"

"Mukuro's a sexy beast!"

**Kyoko**: "Sorry Tsuna, I love hot guys like Hibari!"

"Hibari's a sexy beast!"

File 4: What are some Quotes the cast MIGHT say?

**Tsuna**:"I fight for my friends." (Super Smash Bros: Ike)

"Can't we all just get along"

**Gokudera**: "Tuna! I mean Tsuna!" (Why he always call him boss instead of saying his name)

**Yamamoto**: "Chrome's in love with Hibari."

"Tsuna's in love with Kyoko."

(Any casually revealed secret)

**Ryohei**: "TTTTTTTAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOSSS!"

"BURNING!" (Kawamura from Prince of tennis)

**Chrome**: "I... L-l-l-l-love... H-h-h-i-i-"*Faints*

**Mukuro**: "I'm going to steal your tacos in your sleep!"

**Hibari**: "Chrome, Get me some coffee"

"I need to get Urahara-san to fix my tonfa."

"I am one Sexy Beast"

"...... Die" *Kills Great Question*

**Me**: "I regret nothing!"

* * *

Looking for Varia Quotes, if you have any ideas, Send me a message.


	5. File 5

Don't own any Characters except G.Q.

* * *

The screen flickers and Lal Mirch and Colonello in their adult forms appeared on the screen.

"Greetings" Lal Mirch started.

"The events you are about to see recount the incident known as the darkest day in the Vongola history."

"Without any Further Stupidity..."

"Ballz!"

"We Present you "The Halloween Party Bloodbath"". Lal Grabbed a gun and shot repeatedly at Colonello before the screen flicked to start the tale.

File 5:What Would The Vongola Group Dress as for a Costume Party?

The Vongola Halloween party was one of the most important events for the family. Costumes were a must, and participation was mandatory or you'll get a head full of Bullets, unless you were on a mission or something important.

Right now the guardians of the 10th generation boss, along with their closest members, were arguing and throwing clothes at each other, trying to decide what they would dress as.

It started with everyone throwing ideas into a box, Then they would draw one, and try the outfits on. If it was successful, They would put it on a board with others for further consideration. With the help of their costume maker/adviser G.Q., several ideas were rejected and others were put back up on the bored.

Some ideas such as the cast of Prince of tennis and Ouran High School Host club were rejected because they were to simple and basic. Plus the idea of Mukuro as Usa-Chan/Bun-Bun scared the crap out of people enough to have them burn the outfits.

"The next costume set, the cast from the manga/anime Soul Eater", G.Q. announced handing out their costumes.

Tsuna looked into the mirror observing the outfit he had put on. It was a black and yellow jacket with a headband and a white spiky hair wig.

G.Q. Observed them, "The look of Soul Eater fits you... But..."

"ZOMBIE TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei, dressed and painted to resemble Sid Barrett, ran by carrying a gravestone.

"He does fit the part, but Sid doesn't scream, Gokudera also has problems..." Everyone looked other at Gokudera, dress in a perfectly symmetrical suit with protions of his hair died black, leaving only only 3 silver streaks going to the center of his forehead. "Though his obsession with things is almost equal to that of Death the Kidd...". Gokudera was arguing with Haru, while Kyoko tried to separate them. The two were dressed in cowgirl outfits: A tight, red, sleeveless, turtleneck belly shirt with a white tie, cowboy hat and black, high-heel boots, and either shorts or long jeans. "Arguing won't help."

Everyone stopped when a smashing sound was heard. Moments later Gokudera fell to the floor whenever Yamamoto dressed as Shinigami-sama chopped him over the head. Even Though Chrome and Mukuro's Chrona and Ragnarok combo seemed successful, Hibari's Dr. Stein outfit scared people too much, so they decided to scrap the idea.

"Next idea..."

*Moments Later*

"I like this one" a laughing G.Q. Said.

"I don't think this one will work..." Several people said.

"How so?"

"WE'RE DRESSED UP AS FRUIT!"

They were dressed up into several large fruit outfits. "Tsuna-sama's watermelon and Hibari's grape outfits are questionable, but...

"BANANA TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei was screaming while running around if a banana outfit. "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!"

"Humorous screaming bananas are funny." No one can deny this fact, whether it was Orange Gokudera, or Blueberry Yamamoto.

"I do have one question." Mukuro walked forward.

"Yes Pineapple-san?"

"Exactly, for what reason, did you dress me as a pineapple?" Mukuro was dressed as a large pineapple with an evil aura emanating from him. Chrome on the other hand was more of an innocent sweet pineapple.

"Well...."

"I'm going to destroy you now." Evil smiles are never a sign of survival.

*One Destruction later*

"Well, all of those other ideas were scrapped... What's left?" An inquiring Tsuna asked. No one could come up with a good idea after all the other ones were scrapped.

"The Party's in an hour guys! We've got to think of something!"

"I've got one..." The smoldering pile of ash that was once G.Q. Reformed and placed a file on the table. "This is the last idea, and probably the best! I, great adviser G.Q., will not let you guys down!"

Everyone, with nothing else to do, decided to trust the screaming idiot.

At the party, the group was a hit, everyone loved their costumes.

"I don't get why he wears these feathers, they get in the way." Tsuna said messing with his hair accessory.

"At least your hair isn't green, and why do I have to keep my pinkies up?" Ryohei struggled to keep his pinkies up.

"ARGH! My face hurts from this ridiculous smile." Gokudera could help but scream.

"Hehehe, This is fun!" Yamamoto laughed while keeping his ridiculously long wig hair back.

"This hat is large and uncomfortable." Chrome said adjusting the large frog hat.

"My outfit is perfect!" Mukuro chimed loving the illusionist robe.

"..." Hibari said nothing about the robotic outfit given to him.

"This was his perfect plan? WE'RE DRESSED LIKE THOSE..." Before Gokudera can continue to complain, they ran straight into the worst possible people.

"MY! What Magnificent outfits you have" Lussaria interrupted.

"Eshishishi, Interesting Indeed" Bel chuckled.

"VOI! WHAT THE HELL!" Yelled Squalo.

"That's a nice hat." The Green haired fangirl favorite said sarcastically.

"............Kill them."

And that is how the Vongola Halloween party turned into a reinactment of the vongola ring battle... or more of a blood bath between the Vongola and the Varia. While one shadow laughs in the corner of the room eating a southwestern egg-roll.

The morale of this story: Never trust a character you've never seen before giving you ideas about dressing like your archenemy subordinates for a costume party.


	6. File 6 & 7

I 'd like to thank Crimson Cupcake for some of the ideas and quotes

* * *

File 6: What are some things the Varia will never say?

Xanxus:

"Let's all be Friends!"

"How about a good game of Duck-Duck-Goose?"

"Dance dance, We're Falling apart at half time..."

-Smiles- "Would you please get me some apple juice?"

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, what would you do?"

Lussaria:

"Ew... Necrophilia is sick..."

"Oh god! I feel like a f---ing little girl!"

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, what would you do?"

Leviathan:

-Shows up two hours late- "What About Duck-Duck-Goose?"

"I love the 10th generation boss!"

"Screw Xanxus!"

"Procrastination is a way of life. Accept it. Embrace it. Do it... tomorrow…"

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, what would you do?"

Belphagor:

"Lolz"

"Here, Take My Tiera! You're the New Prince."

"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener...."

"I miss my brother..."

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, what would you do?"

Squalo:

"Why do I always shout?

"Good Job!"

"BANANA!"

"Superbi Squalo! Demolitions Expert!"

"There's a Cat in my sleeve!"

"Fish scare me..."

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, what would you do?"

Mammon:

"I'm actually a Woman, and I'm pregnant"

"It's free"

"I don't Need Money!"

-Throws hood back-

Fran:

"I prefer Rasiel to Bel, At least he doesn't repeatedly stab me with knifes."

"I'm one sexy beast!"

Gol Mosca:

"Domo arigato, Mister Roboto"

File 7: What are somethings the Varia MIGHT say?

Lussaria:

"Dance Dance, We're Falling apart at half time..."

"Sorry, I misplaced my pants"

"If you're a guy, There is never an inappropriate time to take off your shirt."

"What is the quickest way to a man's heart? Chuck Norris' Fist!"

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, Would you let me keep your corpse?"

Leviathan:

"I'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-samaI'msorryXanxus-sama!"

"Some Weird Guy made me say those things!"

"WHEN SOMEONE KILLS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP BECAUSE NOBODY BOTHERED ABOUT SAFETY, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME!"

"We don't want safe failure!"

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, can you tell Xanxus-sama it was Bel?"

Bel:

"So No Game Of Duck-Duck-Goose?"

"I like you to take comfort in knowing that my expectations of you have always been non-existent"

"Ah, computer dating. It's like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head.""

"If you were on a jury and I killed someone, How fast would you run?"

Squalo:

"Did you just bitch-slap my beer?"

-Trying to dry his hair- "This is much more masculine then it looks."

"When in doubt, C4!"

"There's no place for truth on the Internet!"

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, You better say something good!"

Mammon:

"Hey, if you were on a jury and I killed someone, How much would It cost to buy you off?"

"When in doubt, steal a cupcake~!"

Fran:

"I'm one sexy beast."

Gol Mosca:

Nothing

Xanxus:

"Time for a fire drill. Levi, your fired."

"I ASKED FOR SCOTCH!" -Throws glass-"DAMMIT SQUALO!"

"Who the Hell are you and why are you video-taping this?"

G.Q.:"I only regret not stopping Sooner" -Gets Obliterated by entire Varia-


	7. File 8

Don't Own any character in this story, when the once that are referenced.

This is set when the arcobaleno were still adults.

* * *

The TV static disappeared and the Arcobaleno Viper appeared on screen.

"Hello, the following is a secret incident that was promised never to be shown ever again, but since I was paid cash monies to show it to you, I decided I will, so here you go."

File 8: What do the arcobaleno talk about in between missions?

Reborn was a Stud. No one could deny it.

I mean, bad ass hitman traveling around the world with a chameleon that can transform into got knows what? What women wouldn't want to have a try at that?

And not just Reborn, All the Arcobaleno males were in some way like that. Think about it, You've got the stoic bad ass hitman, the evil calculating scientist, the wild combat expert, the wimpy yet somehow extreme stuntman, the mysterious magician, and the Hibari looking martial artist with a monkey, What is this? The Mafia Host Club?

Anyway, whenever all the men didn't have missions, or just came back from missions, they would have "The Man Meeting" to talk about hot chicks from their last mission. And it always began with Reborn saying this to Skull when he tries to talk:

"Look, Tammie, as far as your love-life goes, I couldn't care any less who's laying your quivering body down by the fire while your lips whisper "no-no-no" while your eyes scream "Yes! Yes! Oh Big daddy yes!", especially when you walk in acting like your a big dog and we're best friends, and I can't have that! So here's the deal: Don't want to partner with you, don't want to go bowling with you, and I never ever again want to walk into the kitchen in the morning and here you say, "Well it's WAFFLE TIME! It's WAFFLETIME! Won't you have some waffles of mine?" Bottom line, we'll be bestest friends foreverest if you keep your face out of my face, got it?"

And that's where Skull would run crying out of the room.

"I was traveling through the desert this time and I saw this one chick. She was tall, had long red hair, and curves that give anyone a nose bleed", Fon bragged.

"Nice!" Colonello yelled, "And then?"

"Unfortunately she was already taken by this shirtless muscular guy with pointy sunglasses who was always pointing to the sky and screaming things."

"Ha! I was luckier then you, I meet this one Witch chick who liked to act like a cat!" Verde Interrupted.

"How Moe-ish of you Verde" Fon retorted.

Viper quickly cut in, "There's this one girl I meet in a mercenary group..." then stopped to take a sip of tea.

"And?" Colonello inquired?

"She was shortish, blonde hair, and with a flick, she can send a ground man flying, You'd like her Colonello."

"I agree, she seems to normal for you Vip-chan." Verde couldn't help but insult him.

"She was a vampire."

"That's more like you."

"What about you two?" Fon pointed to Reborn and Colonello.

"Well there's this one chick I just met..." they both started... But before they could, a dark shadow loomed over the two of them.

It was the boss of the arcobaleno, Luche, and Lal Mirch. Luche was the first one to talk while Lal cocked a shotgun, "Hey boys, what'cha talking about?"

"Um... about our last missions?" Reborn said, in semi-fear.

"Really?"

"Now ladies, I'm sure there's a peaceful solution for this..." Verde started, but Luche Pulling a chainsaw out of nowhere was a sign of "This isn't it."

"BAIL!" Verde yelled.

Viper vanished into the air, Verde pressed a button and his chair went through a secret passage in the wall which closed soon after, and Fon jumped into air duct, leaving only the two would didn't have a miraculous way to escape left.

"Colonello..."

"Yes Reborn..."

"If we make it out of this alive... Let's kill Skull..."

"Deal."

This was the first time in his life Reborn was running for his live from a pregnant lady with a chainsaw.

* * *

And The female references are:

Yoko- Gurren Lagann

Blair- Soul Eater

Seras- Hellsing


	8. File 9

This one will be written in the form of a script.

This file has a lot of Language, Don't read if you don't Like it.

* * *

The static of the TV disappeared revealing Torikabuto.

"The time... to reveal the true downfall of Byakuran... has come!"

File 9: What actually happened to Byakuran.

(Curtain on stage rises, revealing Reborn and Colonello, Adult versions, reciting the play)

Colonello:Oh hamlet hamlet hamlet hamlet hamlet, the vampire army has taken the city!

Reborn:We must check the castle tower, and make sure no vampire have made it into our home base.

Colonello:You wait here! I'll go check the castle!

(Colonello runs off stage)

Reborn:Yes, you do that...

(Moments later, Colonello runs back, holding on to the side of his neck)

Colonello:OH MY GOD HAMLET! I just saw a F**king Vampire! it bite me right in the neck!

(Colonello collapses, Reborn supports him)

Reborn:Oh no!

Colonello:Save yourself hamlet! Sssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt....

(Colonello goes limp)

Reborn:Othello i will avenge you!

(Reborn Sets Colonello down and starts to wander around monologuing)

Reborn:And rid this castle of the vampire scourge that has taken this city! I shall hunt each and everyone down and drive a stake through their hearts! all this... for my friend Othello!

(Colonello gets up and starts to chase Reborn slowly like a zombie, Reborn doesn't notice. Man in VIP seats to the side starts to yell)

VIP (Byakuran):OH NO! Hamlet Turn around! He turned into a vampire! He's gonna bite you!

(Guy in front seat begins to get disgruntled)

Byakuran:Oh Sh*t! Hamlet I can't Watch this! Hey everybody i can't watch this!

Black Hair Guy in front seat (Xanxus): Well some of us are trying too!

Long Haired Guy Sitting Next to other Guy (Squalo): Boss!

Byakuran: WHO SAID THAT! Which one of you dead Motherf**kers just said that Sh*t!

(Xanxus tries to ignore him)

Byakuran:Was it you stringbean! You skinny ass looking mother f**ker! Turn around and say it again! Turn around and say it again! Turn around and say it again!

Xanxus: Will you be quiet!

Squalo:Boss! That is the leader of the Milliefiore Group! We're told to leave him alone!

Xanxus: I don't care who it is, he's ruining Hamlet!

(Byakuran starts to mock Xanxus now)

Byakuran: Oh! Now you've F**ked up! Now you've F**ked up! Now you've F**ked up! You have F**ked up now!

(Begins to rap)

Byakuran:Now you've F**ked up! Now you've F**ked up! Now you've F**ked up! Now you've F**ked up! Now you've F**ked up! Now you have F**ked up!

Xanxus: Will you shut the F**k up!

Abe: Suck my Flowery c*ck Bitch! You fat-ass Piece of Sh*t! you tub of lard looking motherf**ker!

(Xanxus Tries to ignore him again, But He starts to Mock him again)

Byakuran:What! What! What! What! What! What! Hey!

Xanxus:What!

Byakuran: What!

(Xanxus starts to Snap)

Byakuran: I Don't know why you're looking up at me Bitch! The play's on stage! I'm not putting on a play up here! I'm Trying to be entertained right now!

Xanxus: SHUT UP!

Squalo: Boss! Calm Down!

Abe: Listen to the woman Xan! Calm down! Just Calm Down! Calm down! Just Calm Down! Calm...

(Byakuran Addresses the actors on the play)

Byakuran: Hey Acty! Stop the play! Acty! Ho! Acty! Hey! Ho!

(Reborn and Colonello stop and look at Byakuran)

Byakuran:I gotta go to the bathroom! I drank too much liquid, now I've got to Piss! Oh!

(Byakuran finds a bottle)

Byakuran: I've got a bottle! Nevermind, I've got a bottle! Rewind the play to five minutes ago because that fat piece of sh*t was talking, i couldn't pay attention to what you guys were doing, so rewind the play 5 minutes.

(Byakuran looks back at Xanxus)

Byakuran: And you shut the f**k up!

(Xanxus Snaps)

Xanxus: That's IT! I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago!

Squalo:Boss, What are you going to do?

(Xanxus reaches under his chair and pulls out a hammer)

Xanxus: I'm going to beat him to death with this hammer!

(Xanxus gets up and begins to run over to Byakuran's seat, Everyone watches him run)

Squalo: What! No, Boss!

Byakuran:What'cha you doing Skinny! What are you doing you fat piece of sh*t! Where's he going!

(Byakuran Loses sight of Xanxus)

Byakuran:What's that fat piece of sh*t doing Now! Oh Sh*t!

(Xanxus reappears next to Byakuran, he's pushed out of sight and Xanxus is seen swinging the hammer wildly as Byakuran's screams could be heard.)

Byakuran: Agh! Oh! Ow! He's hitting me in the butt! He's Hitting my Butt! Don't Break my butt! Don't Break my butt! He's Breaking my Butt!

(The Lights dim and focus to the stage, where Reborn and Colonello address the camera)

Reborn:Ladies and Gentlemen, That is what actually happened to that asshole after all that meaningless squabble.

Colonello:Mafia historians and documentarians believe that the actual events were far too embarrassing for our organizations to listen too.

Reborn:That Byakuran was hammered in the ass so much, that he died of being hammered in the ass.

Colonello:Good Night.

* * *

That's what actually happened.


	9. File 10

I own Nothing

* * *

File 10: What did the Varia do about their cloud guardian?

The screen flickers, and an image of Gokudera appears on screen.

"What the hell am I doing here! I don't even know what to say!" As if the intro didn't matter, the file started anyway.

The Varia, the expert assassination group from the Vongola Family. Ever since the ring battles, the group has been down one cloud guardian since their other one was blown to hell and sliced and half, So they decided to hold auditions.

First Audition

A man in a long red coat and spiky blonde hair walked on stage.

"First off, Who the F*** are you?" Xanxus was first to ask.

"I am Valentinez Alkalinelia Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobillo Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser. Don't hesitate to call."

"How about we try this again? This time, Without the idiocy"

"I am Vash the Stampede! The Man who blew a hole in the Moon, and ran across the desert for a long time!"

"What type of weapon do you use?"

When Vash reached behind him and pulled out his gun, Xanxus Immediately screamed, "NEXT!"

The First few auditions had some weird candidates:

A kid that was perfection-obsessed,

A demon in a large red cape and a golden gauntlet,

The other demon in a red coat, this time with a nun,

The weird zombie cowboy guy,

and a lazy guy with a little girl with him.

But there was one problem with all of them, They all used guns! And Xanxus being the boss and an "I'm the most important person in the world" Kind of guy, didn't want anyone else with guns there, So he had Levi go tell everyone outside this.

"I'm sorry everyone, but no one who uses guns are allowed." Levi's eyes widen as several of the banned weapons were pointed at him, "Oh Ballz...".

After the random gunfire and screaming, the next candidate, a girl in a school uniform with a red armband that said "Brigade leader" on it, walked in.

"Who the F*** are you?"

"Rude jerk, My Name is Haruhi Suzu..."

"Not Evil enough, NEXT!"

The next person who walked in was an guy in a large black trench coat. He set a Laptop up on stage next to the microphone. The Image of a Gothic Font L appeared on screen.

"Hello Gentlemen... My Name is..."

"If it's not God then NEXT!"

The Next one seemed like your average teenage punk... except...

"Who the F*** are you?"

"haha... So Zetta slow! You're out of your vector You Zetta son of Digits!"

"What did you call me?"

"Name's Sho Minamimoto, And This is my Game. And I only allow two things. Flawless calculations...and beauty! Every inch of my work is flawlessly calculated. The world's made up of numbers! I've been reverse-engineering my desired solution all along! Attention, you ramen-raiding radians! You tasteless tetrahedras! The World is Garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap! FOIL! First outer, inner last! INVERSE MATRIX! Any tree can drop an apple. I'll drop the freaking moon. 3.1415 9265 35897 93238 46264 33832 79502 88419 71693 99375 10582 0974 944592 30781 64..."

"SHUT THE F*** UP!" This Audition ended when Xanxus decided to start opening fire.

This went on for awhile. The Shady candy store owner with the striped green hat, the Weird guy in a reapers outfit who chopped Levi into the ground, the teacher who's name can be rewritten into "Despair", and even Weegee were rejected via gunfire.

"All the candidates you've lined up suck!"

"But boss! We tried our best!"

"And your Best is an idiot!"

"But the next guy is the best one!"

"He better be or else you're suicide bomb switch is going to be flipped"

The Final guy walked in, he was shirtless except for the large crimson cape with flames at the end, and his pointy sunglasses could kill a person by themselves.

"And who the F*** are you?"

"Who am I? I'll tell you who i am! So listen up with those damn ears of yours!"

Xanxus was intrigued with this one.

"In Giha village, team Gurren's name resounds with notoriety! and it's Ruthless leader, with the flame of a man's soul burning at his back, Is the Great KAMINA-SAMA! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!"

"Replace Lussaria with him and let's go home."

"But Boss!"

"ALRIGHT! This calls for overly complicated speech number 11!"

*Five hours later*

"And that's why you should always spay or neuter your pets!"

Somehow He was replaced with Fran and Lussaria was finally allowed back into the Varia... Which to me is BULL**IT! KAMINA IS THE BEST! HE SHOULD BE THE 10TH GENERATION BOSS! *Gets Draggeed off by security...* And the mystery of the Cloud guardian replacement was never solved.


	10. File 11

I Own Nothing

* * *

The Screen Flips on with a loud scream of "VOI!" The Scream itself almost breaks your T.V., "You little Brats! Why am I doing this! Just watch what happened to some loser named Skull! Like I give a damn!" The screen gets cut in halve and the files begins.

File 11: What did the Arcobaleno Members do to make Skull so Afraid of them?

The Arcobaleno have only been assembled for a few weeks, the others generally started to like each other, except for the cloud guardian Skull, so he decided to initiate operation: "Get to know the sempais!"

Operation: "Get to know the Sempais!" First Objective: **Colonello **and** Lal mirch**

Skull was walking down the halls and saw his targets incoming. He decided to try and act all cool and leaned up against the wall. "Sup sempais, how's it go-"

Lal Mirch interrupted him, "Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact, the wall on which you're leaning against. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs," She says pointing to her head, "In the meantime, you could at least pretend to be doing some work. And right about now, even though you don't have your basket, oh it's just a terrific time for you to skip away, Shirley!"

Skull was Speechless, Colonello wasn't.

"OH! She got you Maggot! Here..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and pen, "I'm going to give you a prescription for two testicles, Get it filled out whenever you can, Maggot!"

First Objective: **FAILED**

Operation: "Get to know the Sempais!" Second Objective: **Viper**

"Hello Viper-sempai" Skull decided to take the direct approach against the sempai counting money, the sempai seemed slightly annoyed, "How's it going?"

"....Hey Skull, I seem to be missing a some money, Mind go asking Reborn if he might know where it is?"

"Um... Sure! Be right back!"

Operation: "Get to know the Sempais!" Thrid Objective: **Reborn**

"Um... Reborn-Sempai? Viper-sempai ask-"

"Excuse me Barbara, but would you mind going away... infact, here's an idea: What say you stop showing up altogether? We'll just replace you with a giant time-clock. Oh, and if we ever get to missing you, we'll just have a tiny little Skull cuckoo bird pop out every couple of minutes and say "I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman!" Reborn's rant continued for the next 20 minutes until Skull ran away crying.

Thrid Objective: **FAILED**

Skull went back to Viper to ask him a little something, "Hey Viper-sempai..."

"For the love of god Marsha, I hope for your sake there's another person next to me named Viper."

"I feel stupid, but, sending me to Reborn like that... well, I'm not sure, exactly, what you were trying to teach me."

Viper swiveled around in his chair and looked at Skull, "I was trying to teach you the value of, and this is important! The Vaule... of leaving me alone." Viper Swiveled back around and continued to count money. Skull walked away saddly.

Second Objective: **FAILED**

Operation: "Get to know the Sempais!" Fourth Objective: **Fon**

"Fon-Sempai!" He said to the monkey carrying chinese martial artist.

"Excuse me Skull-Kun, but I must ask that you, never stick any part of your self in my life." Though he sound svery harsh, he said all of this with a smile, "Trust me, there is nothing for you to gain from it, because even if you went on a cruise to the furthest parts of the ocean and rescued my salt-soaked body in time to pump the sea water out of my lungs and bring me back from the brink of death, I would _still_ be disappointed that the first face I saw was yours." His Refreshing smile at the end caused Skull to run like hell out of there.

Fourth Objective: **FAILED**

Operation: "Get to know the Sempais!" Fifth Objective: **Luche**

Skull choose one of the wrong times to talk to Luche, because she was in the middle of an angry mood tangent. Since some of the things couldn't be recorded for the sake of all of our child's virgin ears, i'll just post the base of it:

"Dear God, Felicia, Do you actually not know that I'm your boss? Don't you realize that when you come to work and fail at trying to kill people, no one will be able to say "It's okay, he's just a loner"? What they're damn sure gonna be wondering is who tried to lead your sorry ass, and when that finger of blame points at me, you had damn sure better hope I'm in a coma from the anger stroke I suffered from the last time you tried to hug me."

Skull ran like hell from this, but that only resulted in another Pregnant lady with a chainsaw incident.

Fifth Objective: **FAILED**

Operation: "Get to know the Sempais!" Final Objective:** Verde**

"Hey.... Verde-sempai... What's this?" he said pointing to a geniusly made sculpture of toothpicks.

"Oh! That's my Toothpick sculpture of my majestic self I made in my free time, it took me a while to complete, and you just broke it didn't you?"

Skull non-chalantly pushed the pile of toothpicks under a sheet, "Uh... No..."

"...Hey Skull, I'd like you to help me test out this new weapon I made."

"Uh... Sure... What is it?"

"It's called Rape Corn"

Skulls screams could be heard echoing throughout the Arcobaleno base for the next few years.

Final Objective: **FAILED**

End of Operation Summary: **EPIC FAILURE**

Recommended course of action: **Hate Everyone Forever**


	11. File 12

This file was inspired by the Looking for Group Video, "Slaughter your World"

Sung to the tune of The Little Mermaid's "Part of their World"

Don't Own the Song, No Matter how Awesome it is.

* * *

"Hello... I'm Verde, And I don't care what's going on. I'm going back to my Research"

What Files 12: Varia Musical Number, What is their song?

The Varia's Mission was simple: obliterate a stronghold taken over by an enemy family, annihilate everything and everyone, save the royal family taken hostage.. Since the mission was so boring and simple, they decided to sing their slaughtering song, and this was one thing that Xanxus could agree too.

The one to start was Squalo, who had busted into the room with the hostages,  
"_Excitement~ about, I almost can't wait~"_  
The mother held her child back and Squalo massacred the Mafioso,_  
"Relax, I don't want your baby, I already aaaaate~"  
"Though I do tend to generally kill..."_  
This wasn't really singing, just contemplating,_  
"kill things that don't... fight back."_

Fran and Bel walked into the courtyard, Fran sang with fire and ice in his hands.  
"_We see this Castle, what does it hold~?"  
"What should we butcher with fire or cold~?"_  
He was just like a Japanese pop idol, anyone would love him, _  
"Running from us, sure you'd think..."_

They began to slaughter Everyone they could see, Bel was next to sing.  
"_We're pathological, bloodthirsty, homicidal maniacs! Ushishi~"  
"I kill kittens, and puppies and bunnies~,Ushi~"  
"I maim toddlers and teens and then mooooooore~, Ushishi~" _

Bel continued to maim, kill and murder,  
"_You see a wife... I see a widow~"  
"But what then... can't you see... What I kill foooor~, Shishi~"_

Levi shot out his umbrellas of death, charring all his opponents,_  
"I want to incinerate and decapitate..."  
"I want to melt... want to melt some faces~"_  
His singing was more sad... despite the lyric,_  
"Watching the peasant… oh what do they call it… ah Grieve~"_

Lussaria, in all his necrophilia, was loving the corpses._  
"I suppose that being undead... there is not much to lifeeeeeeeee"  
"A soul is needed for loving and feelinggggggggggggggg"_  
He Picked up a Random puppy and hugged,  
"_How does this all not make me… ah what's the word again…"_

He dropped it forward as Squalo ran forward punting it into the sunset,  
"_Heeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!"_

It was big double-X's turn, He was enjoying this was he shot at the people running away,  
"_You've nowhere to hide! Nowhere to run!"  
__"Your castle will burn like the heart of the suuuuuuuuuuuuun!"  
"With infinite glee... it's going to be me.... that slaughters the worldddddddddd!"_

Bel caught someone and was seemingly danced with him,_  
"How could I glare into these eyes.... and then not... stab them!"_  
As he then ripped his eyes out,  
"_How could I stare at their loss and then not laugh, Ushishi~"_

Squalo started to do a dance while Slice people in half,  
"_I cut them in half..."_

And Lussaria couldn't help but interrupt the slashing shark to hug the corpses,_  
then I craft his heaaaaaad back... onto his shoulderssssssss~!"_

Same with Levi... not the corpse thing,_  
"Or after I Lop it, I make a puppet, on top of a Parabolaaaaaa~"_

The whole group came together for their final act, first Xanxus,  
"_I am a lord that is sometimes bored"_

Then Lussaria,  
"_Have some urgeeesss and neeeeeed to fulfill theeeeeeem"_

Squalo,  
"_After my mayhem I simply don't…. what's the word… care!"_

Bel,  
"_The stench in the air, the smell of the gore, Ushishishi~"_

Fran and Levi,  
"_the carnage far greater than any war,"_

ALL TOGETHER,  
"_Our legacy........ death becomes we..... We'll slaughter the World~..."_  
As a bird flew overhead, Xanxus shoots it down...

As they walked home, Xanxus complained about all of their performances,  
"Lussaria! Stop stretching out every other word! Bel! Stop laughing after every line! Squalo! Stop Forgetting the Lyrics! Levi! Stop Sucking! Fran's Better then all of you! GOD! DAMMIT!"


	12. File 13

Hu is pronounced the same as who, Wat sounds like what, and Etc. Full list at the end.

* * *

File 13: What's something that someone can do to piss off Squalo?

Screen flickers, revealing...

"GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!"

Due to the berserk gunfire shot during the attempted recording, the camera has been damaged, so only the audio can be played... Standby...

What File 13: (Audio) Begin!

" VOI! Fran!"

"What is it?"

"Did you hear? The boss wants us to assemble some secondary assassin group... like a second Varia squad."

"Yeah, I picked them out yesterday."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I got them together, but they got some pretty weird names. Let's See... Hu's the Sun, Wat's the Lightning, Idokno's the Storm..."

"Wait... Come again?"

"Hu's the Sun, Wat's the Lightning, Idokno's the Storm..."

"You got these guys together and you don't even know their names?"

"I do know their Names."

"Then who's the Sun."

"Yeah"

"No, I mean what's the Guy's name?"

"Hu!"

"The Sun!"

"Hu!"

"The guy that's all sparkly!"

"Hu!"

"THE GUY THAT'S THE SAME FLAME AS THAT FREAK WITH THE MOHAWK!"

"Hu!"

"THE SUN!"

"Hu! Is! The! Sun!"

"That's what I'm asking you!"

"That's his name!"

"That's who's name?"

"That's it!"

"That's Who!"

"Exactly!"

"Argh..... Voi... All i am asking... is what is the name of the Sun?"

"No, Wat's the Lightning."

"I'm not asking who's the Lightning!"

"Hu's the Sun!"

"One flame at a time!"

"Hey, take it easy..."

"All I'm asking you... WHO. IS. THE. F***ING. SUN!"

"That's right."

"Okay."

"Alright."

*Foot steps can be heard, then angry foot steps*

"WAIT A MINUTE!"

"Now what?"

"So tell me the name of the Sun."

"I did!"

" Then Who's the Sun?"

"Yes"

"I'll ask you once more... WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE SUN!"

"Wat's the Lightning"

"I'm not asking who's the Lightning!"

"Hu's the Sun!"

"I DON'T KNOW"

"He's the Storm, We're not talking about him."

".........How'd we get to the Storm?"

"You mentioned his name."

"I mentioned who's name?"

"No, Hu's the Sun."

"WHAT?"

"Wat's the Lightning."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"He's the Storm!"

"... There you go, right back to the Storm again... forget the Sun for now, got a Rain-user in the group?"

"Yeah, Wouldn't be a good group without one."

"Tell me his name."

"Wy. (Sounds like Why)"

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"I just thought I'd tell you."

"Then who's the Rain?"

"Hu's the Sun."

"I'm not asking yo... Wait a minute! Stick with the Rain."

"K."

"What's the name of the Rain"

"Wat's the name of the Lightning."

"I don't know!"

"He's the..."

"Storm! I GET IT! JUST TELL ME THE NAME OF THE RAIN!"

"WY!"

"...BECAUSE!"

"Oh... He's our Cloud."

*Deep angry breathes can be heard, then one big sigh*

"You got a Mist?"

"Sure."

"What's his name?"

"Tu-Ma-Row"

"You don't want to tell me today?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Then go ahead!"

"Tu-Ma-Row."

"WHAT TIME!"

"What time what?"

"What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's the Mist!"

"Who's not the Mist, Who's..."

"I WILL BREAK YOUR ARM IF YOU SAY WHO'S THE SUN! WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE MIST!"

"What's the Lightning."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"He's the..."

"Storm! Storm! Storm! *huff... huff...* You know, I have an idea."

"Really?"

"Yeah... Let's say we group together, and confront the 10th. We send Lussaria to the front line with his partner, and his partner is... Who?"

"That's the first thing you said right all day."

"........I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Lussaria's partnered with who?"

"Exactly."

"Who?"

"Exactly."

"Exactly?"

"Exactly."

"So he's partnered with Exactly?"

"No, He's partnered with Hu."

"....Exactly?"

"Now you've got it."

"That's what i said!"

"Okay, You ask me..."

"He's Partnered with who?"

"Exactly."

"Now you ask me."

"He's partnered with Hu."

"Exactly?"

"Exactly."

"SAME AS YOU! SAME! AS! YOU!"

"Calm down..."

"He's Partnered with who?"

"Exactly."

"HE BETTER BE! Lussaria's partnered with who, but they weren't strong enough, so whoever's the Sun gets killed! BOO-HOO SAD STORY! The 10th's group then goes after because! Why? I DON'T KNOW! HE'S THE STORM! AND I DON'T CARE!"

"What did you just say?"

"I SAID I DON'T CARE!"

"Oh! He's our Sky..."

"DIE!"

Many sounds of violence and rampage could be heard for the rest of the tape.

* * *

Sun- Who/Hu.

Lightning- What/Wat.

Storm- I don't Know/Idokno.

Rain- Why/Wy.

Mist- Tomorrow/Tu-ma-Row.

Cloud- Because.

Sky- I don't Care.


	13. File ex1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

* * *

Ex File 1

In the darkened stage room, people were scrambling about, ready to get started. One Guy screaming commands, "Are the camera's set?"

"Yes!"

"Good! Do all the guest have drinks!"

"SODA TO THE EXTREME!"

"Good!"

"Shou! What do we do about the freak?"

"The Corpse lover? Set him on fire and throw him out the window! We go live in 10! Is everyone ready?"

"Yes Sir!"

"In 3! 2! 1! ROLL CAMERA!"

Special File Ex1: Who, What, Where, and Why Files.

Lights flash on and the set of a talk show comes into view, the host sitting next to the 8 guests turns and addresses the camera, "Welcome everyone, to the 4-W files. I am your Host, the extremely awesome G.Q., and today; I have the next generation Vongola boss and his guardians. I'll start with introducing the Lion Punchist Ryohei Sasagawa!"

"TO THE EXTREME!"

"Next is Idiot cow Lambo!"

"MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"Smoky Right Hand, Hayato Gokudera!"

"What kind of name is that!"

"All love, Takeshi Yamamoto"

"Hi everyone!"

"Twin Pineapples of absolute terror, Chrome Dokuro and Mukuro Rokudo!"

"Um…" "Kukuku"

"Please don't hurt me, Kyoya Hibari!"

"…"

"Finally the Vongola 10th generation! The dying will master, Tsunayoshi Sawada!"

"Yeah… Hi!"

"The reason for me calling you all here is simple, to ask you things that the viewers have been wondering for a long time." The host smiled as creepy as Mukuro when he has an evil plan… so was Mukuro. "First up is from a person named Ouji-sama, What are you all afraid of?"

"What kind of question is that!" The smoky right hand objected, "Why would we tell you!"

"No one cares about you, cause we already know what you fear," Mukuro said, everyone nodding in agreement.

"I have no fears!"

Hibari didn't like the noise, so he decided to get rid of him, "Your Sister's in the audience."

"AAAAAHHHHH!" He then proceeded to jump out the nearest window.

"And then there were 7" Mukuro laughed.

"Now that Smoky's gone, let's ask mister Mukuro to answer the questions for everyone."

"Gladly!" As he smiled sipping his tea, everyone thought _"You bastard!"_

"Tsuna is Afraid of moths, we learned that in the second book. Ryohei…"

"NO FEAR TO THE EXTREME!"

"Sock Puppets." For once, the god of loudness was quiet. "Yamamoto is the one who really has no fears."

"Hehehe, well, I was scared of ghosts as a kid"

"The other two are classified. One cuz I owe her, the other cuz he'd kill me"

"That's insane. Now for our next question, this one is from… There's no really name, just voi? Oh well, it reads: "I'm a big fan of the internet, but nothing gets me laughing like having people watch Kikias, Could you please show them and show how'd they react?" That's Interesting, I say we do it!"

"What's a Kikia?" Tsuna, Chrome, and Yamamoto said.

"WHAT IS IT TO THE EXTREME!"

"I can help you with that." Everyone was surprised when Hibari pulled out a laptop, and loaded a video.

"Seems normal enough…" Tsuna Started, the images of a melancholic stick figure wondering around got people focused on it.

"This is bori-AAAAAHHHHHH!" The sudden ghost face and scream caused lambo to scream loudly… Ryohei also.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" He grabbed lambo then proceeded to jump out the window, "AAAAAHHHHH! Extreme!"

"And then there were 5..." Mukuro started. The sudden thud of Chrome feinting made him correct himself, "Make that 4."

"This is getting boring, if the next question isn't good, I'm biting you all to death and leaving"

"And now you know why I introduced you as please don't hurt me." The host was sweating as he flipped through cards, "AH! He's a ringer! It's from a XX. "What would happen if you switched everyone's personalities with each other?" I agree with that…. What do you say?"

"… Go ahead"

"YES! While we get everything set up, enjoy this Varia blooper"

---clip start!---

Levi was walking down the hall and he sees Fran.

"Levi-sempai! I need a favor! I need you to stand here and make sure no one comes into this room."

"Sure… why?"

"I can't say! Make up any excuse, just make sure no one comes in." Fran quickly closed the door and Levi stood there, moments later Squalo came storming down the hall.

"VOI! Get out of my way Levi! I need to get in there!"

"Y-y-y-you Can't!"

"WHY THE HELL NOT!"

"Well………" An hour of useless excuses later, "And that's why my shoes are glued to the floor!"

"So take them off"

"Um… I can't?"

Fran then walked out of the room, "Done, Thanks Sempai"

"Any time."

"Wait a Voi-ing minute! What was he doing in my room!"

"… Say what now?"

"VVVVVOOOOOIIIII!"

Levi then realized never to trust Fran… Ever.

---Clip end---

"That was funny! Welcome back! Due to time constraints and the others being boring, we decided just to stuff every funny person's personality into this Hibari-bot!" The host gestured to the perfect replica of the Cloud Guardian. "Now Tsuna, Will you please ask it a question?"

"Uh… Hello? Who are you?"

"Who am I? WHO AM I?" Everyone jumped at the energetic reaction, "I am the Guardian who brought sexy back! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the Indestructable Hibari! I was omitted from the bible out of fear of outshining the main character! I am… What day is it?"

"Monday?"

"I am the Monday Night delight! All ladies fall before me! I am the Love Machine! Sexy Love Dynamite!" At this point, Hibari had already left, Mukuro and Yamamoto were laughing their Asses off, and Tsuna, the Host, and everyone from the audience were vomiting from a mixture of laughter and absolute terror.

Tsuna was running for a bucket "OH MY GOD! –Vomits- Stop it! Stop it!"

"SOMEONE TURN IT OFF!"

"They call me Sexual White Choc-"

"CUT THE CAMERAS!"

The video feed cut off and a image that said "Technical difficulties" played for the rest of the video.

* * *

I love messing with Hibari


	14. File special!

This is a Special What File to celebrate the birthday of my Friend.

Don't Characters or songs

* * *

The screen flickers and you see Hibari on it, "Hello bitches" or not, "I am the great love machine! Sexy Love Dynamite Hibari Kyoya! Here for a special What file intro!"

"GET OFF THE SCREEN!"

What File Special: Happy Birthday from the Bastards That Care.

"Hello everyone, you may remember me from the last file, I am G.Q., Master of the What the Hell. Today we're here to celebrate our friend's birthday! "

"WHO THE FLYING VOI CARES!"

"YOU DO YOU SON OF A SHARK! To celebrate, I've brought 5 people that my friend likes very much to sing something special. Everybody ready?"

"Sure?"

"VOI!"

"*Rage*"

"I need to get back to my research."

"Caiosu."

"And 3, 2, 1..."

Verde walked forward to start off,  
"Once a year we celebrate,  
With stupid hats and plastic plates,  
The fact that you were able to make  
Another trip around the sun..."

Tsuna was hesitant to be next,  
"And the whole gang gathers round  
With gifts and laughter to abound  
And we let out a joyful sound  
And sing that stupid song..."

Squalo jumped in,  
"Happy birthday!  
Now you're one year older!  
Happy birthday!  
Your life still isn't over!"

Reborn cut him off,  
"Happy birthday!  
You did not accomplished much...  
But you didn't die this year,  
I guess that's good enough!"

Xanxus was silent, till he started,  
"So let's drink to your fading health  
And hope you don't remind yourself,  
The chance of finding fame and wealth  
Decrease with every year."

Verde didn't care,  
"Does it feel like you're doing laps  
And eating food and taking naps?  
Hoping that someday perhaps  
Your life will hold some cheer."

Xanxus and Squalo Tag Team!  
"Happy birthday!  
What have you done that matters?  
Happy birthday!  
You're starting to get fatter  
Happy birthday!  
It's downhill from now on,  
Try not to remind yourself  
Your best years are all gone!"

Verde,  
"If cryogenics were all free  
Then you could live like Walt Disney  
And live for all eternity  
Inside a block of ice"

Reborn,  
"But instead your time is set  
This is the only life you get  
And though it hasn't ended yet  
Sometimes you wish it might"

Reborn,  
"Happy birthday!  
You wish you had more money"

Squalo,  
"Happy birthday!  
Your life's so sad it's funny"

Xanxus,  
"Happy birthday!  
How much more can you take?"

Verde,  
"But your friends are hungry  
So just cut the stupid cake"

Grand Finale! All Together!  
"Happy birthday!  
Happy birthday!  
Happy birthday deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrr our Friend!"

Happy Birthday my Friend!


	15. File 14

Don't own anything.

* * *

Screen flickers to Fon wearing a black funeral suit.

"The following events are so horrible, everyone who have witnessed the events are now horribly maimed and dead, viewer discretion is advised."

Files 14: What happens if Hibari is Drunk/ What happens if Hibari was put into a Bunny suit/ Oh my god, how could you do that, you sick freak!

No one expected something like this to happen. They've seen several things happen to them: Fighting a screaming long haired freak, suddenly nice Hibari, Varia costumes, singing varia group, but nobody could ever expect THIS!

It was the school culture festival, everyone had prepared something, but nothing was so horrible and terrible as what was about to happen.

It was currently the School talent show in the middle of the field, and the next act was guarenteed to stop everything. Everyone talking suddenly stop, even people across the school ran to see the sight, then ran away in absolute terror. No one can handling this, it's so horrible, even Xanxus would vomit in terror.

But there it was... HIBARI IN A PINK BUNNY SUIT. No you sick perverts not the playboy bunny suit, the mascot bunny suit. Not only that, but he was smiling the widest grin and singing the pokemon theme song. NO ONE dared to say anything, even Mukuro, currently using Chrome's body for the day, could only stare in absolute terror, mouth agape.

"Pokemon!  
It's you and me.  
I know it's my destiny!  
Pokemon!  
Ooh, you're my best friend,  
In a world we must defend!  
Pokemon!  
Our hearts so true!  
Our courage will pull us through!  
You teach me and I'll teach you,  
Pokemoooooooooon!  
Gotta catch 'em all!  
POKEMON!"

Tsuna, finally having the balls to go over there, and by balls I mean Mukuro shoved him. "u-u-u-uh... H-h-h-h-h-hibari-san?"

"Yes my little tuna friend? :D"

"OH MY GOD!" People ran, trying not to vomit from absolute what the hell-ity. This finally lead everyone to a chaotic riot.

"Oh my god! It's the end of the world!"

"What the Hell is going on!"

"Everyone to the bunkers!"

"What's happening to the world!"

"Quiet." This one word caused everyone in the school to freeze and turn around. The impossible has just happen, hell had frozen over and gone to Hawaii in a hand basket. Hibari, in his standard school uniform with his red armband walking up to the stage. As he saw the cause of the commotion. As he saw himself in the pink bunny suit with a huge smile, there's only one thing that went through his head.

"...kamikorosu." (I'll bite you to death)

-Warning, Since the following images are too violent for even Xanxus to watch, we're cutting the video and just playing the audio from the commentators.

"Greetings Gore sports fans! It's a beautiful day here at Namimori Middle school, Perfect for an EXTREMEly violent blood match. My name is Ryohei "Head Shot" Sasagawa, And alongside my friend Takeshi Yamamoto!"

"A great match up today, Kyoya Hibari Versus Hibari-robot!"

"This is some EXTREMEly sick shit going on here!"

"All Children should look away."

"OH MY GOD! I Didn't think you could do that to yourself!"

"Yourself indeed."

"Oh my god! Hibari just mounted his opponent is repeatedly bashing him in the face!"

"I thought he would only mount Dino"

"...Wait what!"

"I don't know, i was paid to say that by some dragon chick"

"Damn you Yami!"

"I know, But back to the fight..."

"This is EXTREME folks! Bloody ****ing EXTREME!"

"So he's beating himself violently?"

"That's Right, We're watching possibly the most violent masturbation ever!"

"Oh! That bell sounds like it's time for my favorite part of the festival, the Bloodbath Challenge!"

"Let's go over to our Master of challenges for the description."

The video kicks on and the image of a dart board taller the a tennis court on the school's side wall appeared.

"Marks, tricks, playas, and pimps, holla if you can hear me. I'm proud to introduce the most marvelous of school festival games, MAN DARTS! Three Years in the Making this baby is almost as impressive as yours truly". Gokudera walked in front the the board. Everyone froze when they saw the pimp suit he was wearing. "And you know who yours truly is, The bishop of blood and carnage, The Red Baron! Stop starin. Now all you gotta do is swing a fat bat into some fat ass and launch that motha at the board! We keep score like we do in darts, so you just worry bout hittin it and quitting it, you hear me? And speaking of hitting it," a girl with purple hair, wearing a mask and a sexy outfit walked up holding a large bat, "Hey baby watcha doing? Oh, no I got a bat of my own, hell yeah... AH HELL NO!" With a loud klang, Gokudera was then sent slamming right into the top of the board. After blowing a kiss to the audience, the purple haired Lady walked off.

"Hell yeah sports fans! This is it!"

"Looks like Hibari's finished beating himself and has dragged the robot corpse of himself towards the board. He takes the bat, gets set, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand....."

Hibari's rage filled the bat and slammed into his robotic counterpart, slamming him into the bulls-eye with explosive force. The Crowd shot up with cheers.

"HE CONNECTS!"

"And the vomit-terror inducing Hibari-robot is history!"

"Taka! This crowd is going EXTREMEly crazy!"

"And who can blame them Ryo! The Fireworks going off are a fitting end to an explosive festival of terror, murder, and madness!"

"Let's ask what Hibari's gonna do next!"

"I'm going to find who's responsible for this and bite him to death."

"And there you have it folks! If your watching this you EXTREME psychopath, you better run for your life!"

"And that's all from us. I'm Takashi Yamamoto."

"And I'm Head Shot Sasagawa!"

"And we'll see you in Hell!"


	16. File 15

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.

"Talking"

_"Singing"_

* * *

File 15:Why won't Hibari come out of the Closet?

The screen flickered on to a close up of an idiot. "WOOHOO! NAITO LONG CHAMP HERE FOR....... SOMETHING!"

"Get that idiot away from the camera!" Almost on command, a barrage of muscle knocked longchamp into next Tuesday. The screen flickered to begin.

It was a usual day for the prefects, busy this, Hibari threatening that, and so on and so on. Chrome decided to do a little tidying up around the offices for everyone. She was stopped when she couldn't open the door to the closet.

"Huh? That's weird..."

"Go away!" The mysterious voice startled her enough to make her drop her stuff. She started to back away, but then remembered what voice that was.

"Um... Hibari?"

"Go away."

"You have to come out of the closet now."

"No, I'm not coming out."

Almost on queue, Prefect Vice chairman Tetsuya Kusakabe walked in. "What's going on Dokuro?"

"Hibari won't come out of the closet."

"... Wait, What?" The look on his face was priceless.

"Hibari's Locked himself in the closet and won't come out."

Tetsuya walked over and knocked on the door. "President! President come out of the closet!"

"No!"

"Come on President, this is Ridiculous!"

"No! I'm not coming out!"

"You can't just stay in the closet, alright? You need to come out."

Hearing the commotion, Gokudera walked into the room. "What's going on?"

Chrome replied innocently, "Hibari won't come out of the closet"

"...What?"

In less then 30 minutes, almost the whole school had heard and come to see. In an hour, the school reporters were there as well. "Hello, Reborn here from the Sexy Action News Team! It's been an hour now, and Hibari still will not come out of the closet. Hundreds of onlookers here have gathered here in hopes that the Disciplinarian will finally give in."

The camera panned around to several students and teachers."Hibari! This is your teacher! What's going on! Why won't you come out of the closet!"

"Please President! Come out of the closet!"

"Damn" One random girl said.

The camera panned back to Reborn. "We're still not exactly sure why Hibari is in the closet, but I'm being joined now by the singer/songwriter of the New Band, Pineapple Fury, M. Rokudo.

Everyone's resident psycho Pineapple walked up, and began to sing,  
"_Well, I was just standing here...  
Hibari Locked himself in the closet...  
I asked myself why won't Hibari just come out the closet!  
Nobody has no answers..."_  
There was a slight pause in his singing, then he reached into his jacket,_  
"AND SO I PULL OUT MY GUN!"_  
Mukuro pulled out a gun and cocked it. Everyone around him screams and scatters.  
_"TELL ME WHY HIBARI'S IN THE CLOSET OR ELSE I'M GONNA SHOOT SOMEONE!"_

Tsuna and his gang, minus Chrome and Hibari, were talking to each other. "WHAT'S GOING ON TO THE EXTREME!"

"Calm down turf-top! One of us has to talk to him!"

"I agree with Gokudera, but how should we decide?"

"Baseball freak! It has to be Rock-paper-scissors! Let's go... One! Two! THREE!"

Moments later Gokudera walked to the closet door mumbling profanities under his breath. "HIBARI! It's Gokudera!"

"What do you want!"

"You've got to come out of the closet"

"I don't want too!"

"Argh... If you don't come out, can I at least come in and talk to you?"

"... Fine, but just you" There was a click and the door came slightly open.

"About time!" Gokudera opened to door and walked in, "Hey, it's pretty nice in here..." The door closed and there was a click.

Tetsuya quickly walked over and tried to open it. "Hello? Hey, come out of there!"

"No!"

Muffled noises could be heard, "Jesus christ! I didn't think they could get that big, and You have one of those hooked up to it! Nice!"

"Grab one and let's get started"

"ALRIGHT!"

No one wanted to believe what they were hearing, Except 3 squealing girls in the audience.

Reborn popped up on screen once again, "It now appears that Hayato Gokudera is also in the closet, and he refuses to come out. Here with more details once again, is M. Rokudo."

Mukuro walked up once again singing,_  
"I was just standing here...  
Hibari locked himself in the closet...  
Then Gokudera come and now, Gokudera in the closet too.__  
Please Hibari and Gokudera come out the closet!"__  
_Many people turned around and looked at the singing pineapple._  
"__But then I calm myself down... AND I PULL OUT MY GUN!"__  
_Which then burst into panic. Mukuro reach over and grabbed a random student._  
"__If Hibari and Gokudera don't come out the closet, I'm gonna cap this biiitch!__"_

Tsuna's group sweat-dropped at the event that was going on before them. "WAIT!" The scream of the ball of fire Ryohei Sasagawa starled everyone, "I Have... An idea!"

Back at the office, Ryohei inched Mukuro towards the closet.

"This was your idea?"

"Well I don't see you come up with and good ideas! Go on now!"

_"__I've been asked to come up here, get you both out of the closet...  
Man, this is some crazy shit. Why won't you both just come out the closet?  
And they said...__"_

As he stopped, Hibari and Gokudera began to sing,_ "__We're not comin' out the closet, so you can just go away.__"_

Mukuro seemed to be irritated._"But everyone wants you out the closet!__"_

_"__That doesn't matter 'cause we're gonna stay.__"_

_"__Now I'm startin' to get angry__..."_

"Uh-oh... Run!" Ryohei yelled as everyone knew what was about to happen.

_"__SO I PULL OUT MY GUN!_  
I'm gonna give you a count of three to open this closet door.  
One! I'm gonna shoot you both._  
Two! I'm gonna cap some bitch.__  
THREE!"_

The door clicks and opens slightly, he lowers his gun and approaches the door then enters, closing it behind him.

_"...__Now I'm in the closet. Now I'm in the closet too.__"_

_"DAMMIT!"_

An hour later, The doors opened up and the three of them walked out. "Dammit! I should have never made that bet with you two!"

_"__Suck it Biiiiitch"_

Everyone ran up to the three, "What was going on it there!"

"What were you doing!"

_"__Sorry, it's a seeeeeeeeecret!"_ Everyone sweat dropped as the three walked off, acting like they were best friends. Many of the Girls got nosebleeds trying to imagine what had gone down.

Later....

"Damn Hibari! I didn't know you had renovated that into a secret lounge. Where'd you get a tv that big anyway?"

"You don't need to know, all you need to do is pay up."

"Dammit..."

_"__You maybe good at the Piano... But you suck at Wii-sports!"_

"I hate you both... I DEMAND A REMATCH!"

"Next week then..."

"DEAL!"

_

* * *

What'd you think they were doing? Sick Fujoshis._

_Happy New Years everyone!_


	17. File 16

Warning: Foul mouth Xanxus ahead.  
Got this idea after seeing a Video  
Music's by The Lonely Island  
Disclaimer: Don't own, Never did.  
"Xanxus & Squalo Singing!"  
"_Mukuro Singing~"_

* * *

The TV flicked as Skull appeared on screen. "What am I doing here?" The screen changed off of him to start the next file.

File 16:What? A Boat?

The Varia were enjoying a nice breakfast, everyone had their own bowl of cereal and were enjoying it. "Pass the Fruit Loops trash."

"VOOOI! Here."

As Xanxus poured himself some more cereal, something fell out of the box. He quickly picked it up and unwrapped it. "Well well, I won a boat ride for 3."

"VOI! HOW COME YOU WON DAMMIT!"

"Silence trash, you're going."

"SWEET!"

"Now who else should I pick..." Everyone else at the Varia table looked anxious, everyone wanted to go on the ride, but only one can be chosen. "Hmm... I pick... M. Rokudo." Everyone turned and looked and glared and cursed at the pimp outfit wearing pineapple.

"Wait... Why the he..." Fran tried to ask, but was interrupted.

"You'll see..."

A few days later, Tsuna was checking his e-mail when he noticed something in his inbox.

"Dear Trash, Show this to all your guardians and be jealous"

Sawada quickly called over his other guardians and played the attached video. It began with Xanxus, Squalo, and Mukuro all dressed in black pants, loose white button up shirts, and sunglasses standing on a boat.

(_Shortayyyy~_)  
"Aww sh-t!  
Get your towels ready it's about to go down (_shorty, yeah~)_  
Everybody in the place hit the f--kin deck, _(shorty, yeah~)_  
But stay on your motherf--kin' toes!  
We runnin' this, let's go!"

"I'm on a boat! (_I'm on a boat~_)  
I'm on a boat! (_I'm on a boat~_)  
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin' on high seas! (_sailin' on the high seas~_)  
I'm on a boat! (_I'm on a boat~_)  
I'm on a boat!  
Take a good hard look at the motherf--kin' boat! (_boat, yeah~_)"

"I'm on a boat motherf--ker take a look at me!  
Straight flowin' on a boat on the deep blue sea!  
Bustin' five knots, wind whippin' out my coat!  
You can't stop me motherf--ker, cause I'm on a boat!"

"Take a picture, trick (_trick~_) I'm on a boat, bitch! (_bitch~_)  
We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp! (_crisp~)_  
I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies!  
I'm flippin' burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin' copies!"

"I'm ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit!  
The dolphin's splashin', gettin' e'rybody all wet!  
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets!  
I'm on a boat motherf--ker, don't you ever forget!"

"I'm on a boat and, it's goin' fast and,  
I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan!  
I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo!  
If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh!  
Get the f--k up, this boat is REAL!"

"F--k land, I'm on a boat, motherf--ker! (_motherf--ker~_)  
F--k trees, I climb buoys, motherf--ker! (_motherf--ker~_)  
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherf--ker! (_yeah~_)  
This boat engine make noise, motherf--ker!"

"Hey ma, if you could see me now! (_see me now~_)  
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow! (_starboard bow~_)  
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow! (_moon somehow~_)  
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible!"

"_Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat~  
It's a big blue watery road~ yeah~  
Poseidon~! Look at me, oh~ _(all hands on deck!)  
_Never thought I'd see the day~  
When a big boat comin' my way~  
Believe me when I say, I f--ked a mermaid~"_

"I'm on a boat! (_I'm on a boat~_)  
I'm on a boat! (_I'm on a boat~_)  
Everybody look at me, cause I'm sailin' on the high seas! (_sailin' on the high seas~_)  
I'm on a boat! _(I'm on a boat~)_  
I'm on a boat!  
Take a good hard look at the motherf--kin boat! (_boat, yeah~_)"

"_Whoahhh~  
Sha-sha-shorty, shorty~  
Yeah yeah yeahhh~"  
_

The Video closed with a shot of the three of them standing on the bow flipping them all off. Several of the guardians could help but mutter "Those bastards..."

* * *

R&R


	18. File 17

This was a Gift fic for Ephemeral Muse. Done quickly, so it's not that well written.

I own nothing!

* * *

The screen flickers, a red haired youth appeared on it. He spoke so softly, you couldn't understand him... The file starts.

File 17: What does Chrome Dream about?

The last thing Chrome Dokuro remembered was walking through the hallways of the Namimori school building. After feeling a hard hit to her head, she woke up and felt something had gone horribly wrong.

She noticed she wasn't in the school, but now in what looked like an old style village with colorful decorations. She also noticed that she wasn't in her normal school uniform anymore, but rather she was in a frilly white dress and knee-high striped socks that she'd only wore in her dreams... or in secret, but that's another story.

"I... don't think I'm in Namimori anymore..."

"I... don't think I'm in Italy anymore..."

She quickly looked to her side and noticed someone else. Besides her was a person in a similar white dress, except this person wore a ridiculously large frog hat. She instantly recognized this green haired youth, Despite the fact that he was wearing a dress.

"Hey Fran."

"Hey Chrome."

"Do you know what's going on here?"

"No... And why am I wearing my paja.... I mean... uh... Lussaria's..."

"You look good in it."

"Thanks... DAMMIT!"

They noticed that they were surrounded by a bunch of little people... That looked like a hitman, a commando, a scientist, a Chinese guy, a motor cyclist, and Mammon. "Hooray, they crushed the wicked witch of the east!"

"No they didn't skull... They dropped a school on her."

Fran and Chrome looked behind them and noticed a large building, reminiscent to that of the Kokuyo school building, smashed into the ground, and a pair of legs wearing crystal ruby shoes were sticking out under of it. The shoes disappeared and the feet curled up under the house.

Chrome quickly gasped, "Wicked witch? Is that way these shoes magically appeared on my feet?"

"No, the other guy swiped them and put them on you."

"You have no proof." Fran quickly defended.

"We saw you do it!"

"Only on a count of villainy... Do any of you little freaks know how we get out of here?"

The little scientist person walked up, "Follow the yellow road that way and find the Wizard, but beware the wicked witch of the... Where'd they go?" The scientist turned around and noticed Fran running down the road carrying Chrome.

"We have to get outta here Chrome! Hurry!"

Later, Chrome and Fran arrived in a forest. "You know Chrome, This reminds me of a book a read some time ago... It was weird as hell, and when they were walking through the forest... They found..."

"A mostly naked man covered in honey?"

"Yeah! You read Gintama too?"

"No...", Chrome pointed to an opening in the forest, in that opening was a long haired tall man coated with honey posing. Though Chrome was reluctant to go over, "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Fran wasn't.

"VOI! SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU'RE SCARING THE BEETLES AWAY!" Chrome and Fran froze in place and sweat-dropped. "DAMMIT! Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Fran, and this is Chrome... We're trying to find the wizard or something to get out of this place."

"VOI! I'm the Scareshark, I need to see that bitch too, cuz I need to ask the person for... something..."

"A Brain?" A fist was squarely planted into Fran's face.

"VOI! Something like that, let's go!"

"Um... okay..." Chrome picked up Fran and they continued through the forest.

Fran regained conscienceness moments later, "This reminds me of another thing..."

"A black haired guy coating trees in mayonnaise?"

"Yes! Wait..."

Once again, Chrome pointed to an opening, revealing a black haired youth with a small yellow bird flying around him painting mayonnaise onto trees... "Um... What are you doing..."

"Trying to catch beetles, what does it look like?"

"You're painting the forest with enough mayonnaise to feed an orphanage." Another fist was squarely planted into Fran's face... and another and another and another and another and another and another.

"VOI! You need something from the wizard too?"

"I'm the Birdman, and I need a... Something..."

"A Heart?" Fran just didn't know when to shut up.

"VOI! Come with us and we'll get you your whatever."

"Sure."

The group continued their travels. After they left the forest, they continued to travel down the large yellow road. Much to the surprise of Fran and Chrome, a taxi zoomed next to them and stopped. A silver haired young man with cigarette in his mouth stepped out.

"And I'm the last guy. Courage, Not enough of it."

"Whatever let's go." At this point, No one cared.

"HOLD ON YOU IDJITS!" The group of 5 looked up to see a group of 3 flying monkeys swooping down on them, "Our lord, The wicked witch of the west, demands to see you idjits!"

"Nya! Shut up Baka-Zakuro! You're too loud!" The blue hair female yelled at the red haired loud one.

"Oh-ho, you two..." The green haired one was amused.

"VOI! WHY SHOULD WE!"

"Free Beer."

"I'M IN! Let's go!" At the mention of free drinks, everyone was in agreement.

"Let's just not fly there... I have bad experiences with flying..."

"Why Hibari?" Gokudera inquired.

"Oh, I just kamikazed an immortal god into an active volcano... I remember it like it was yesterday..." Hibari silently went to reminiscence about that day... "_OH MY GOD HOW DO I FLY THIS THING! OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING ON... OH SHIT! PIRHANAS! F***KING PIRHANAS! F***KING PIRHANAS! WHAT THE... HOLY SHIT, WHERE'D THE OCTOPUS COME FROM! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! -BOOM-" _"Good times, Good Times..."

At the wicked witch of the west's castle. The white haired man-witch sat there swallowing marshmallow after marshmallow. "Good job monkeys. Welcome to my castle, join my side, and we can rule this place!"

"VOI! WHY WOULD WE DO THAT!"

"Join me or I'll obliterate you."

Fran quickly jumped in, "I'm in, Where's the bathroom!"

"Up the stairs, third door on the right" Fran quickly ran up the stairs. "And now you Four..."

"I think there's a problem with your upstairs toilet!" A distant voice yelled. The roof above the wicked witch exploded and a large toilet fell and crushed him.

"Voi... That solves that problem..."

After running like hell, The group appeared at another castle. "Let's hope this is the right one... HELLO!"

"Kukuku, Yes?" A large ominous voice sounded.

"Are you the Wizard?"

"Kuku, Yes~" A pineapple haired young man with two different eye colors walked forward.

"Why did you bring us here?" Chrome asked.

"Why am I in a dress!" Fran snapped.

"And why did I have to take a cab!" Gokudera inquired.

"No reason, and now for your rewards. You, Scareshark, you wanted a brain, But you don't need one, you'll just mess it up anyway."

"Wait a Voi-ing..."

"You, Birdman, you don't need a heart, you're more of a badass without one."

"I know, just give me more mayonnaise!"

"Fine." A mountain of mayonnaise crushed the Birdman. "And you, Last guy, who needs courage when you have... A GUN!" He reached into his pocket and gave Gokudera a large revolver.

"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!" He took the gun and started to pose with it. "This is awesome!"

"And now for you, Little frog..."

"Just send me hom... what are you doing?"

"Giving you a present~"

"What's with that loo.... GET AWAY FROM ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With that horrible scream, Chrome snapped awake blushing worse then a fangirl at a yaoi convention.

* * *

How's that Saki-Chan? You better leave a good review!


	19. File 18

As part of a One-shot Contest I'm on, I've had to submit this file as it's own story, sorry for the inconvenience.

I OWN NOTHING

* * *

The screen flickers and Gokudera appears, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Today we have a special file that's been sent to us from the future. Due to this mysterious phenomenon, we've set up the next file at the following location, See you there..."

What Files 18: What would happen if we mixed soul eater and Reborn?

(Proceed to the Story: _**What the Ballz: Gold Experience Requiem**_)


	20. File Special 2!

This chapter is to thank the people who have reviewed and to make fun of Hibari some more.

I OWN NOTHING!

* * *

The screen flickers and on it you see Gokudera sitting behind a desk.

"Greetings readers, I am Hayato Gokudera. It's been twenty chapters now, and we would like to thank you for your continued support, and to celebrate your support, we've decided to do something special... You thinking what I'm thinking guys?"

"FAN REVIEW SPECIAL!"

"MASSIVE ORG... Review Special! That's right! That's what... I meant to say... and I couldn't think of anyone better to host this comment special then me..."

-BOOM!-

Through the cloud of dust you see a black haired youth with a bird perched on his shoulder walk forward. "'Sup Bitches?"

"HIBARI-BOT! NO! WE KILLED YOU!"

"You did, I am Hibari-Bot 2.0! And I am here to..."

"NO! NO! YOU STAY DEAD! When people die! They're Dead! THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO COME BACK TO LIFE! I'm gonna kill you now!"

"You brain-dead punk, We can't fight now!"

"What? Why!"

"You see if we were to fight we wouldn't be able to hold this comment special, nor would there be any comedy in the fight, as when I was fighting my non-robotic self. So No Point = No Go!"

"Hibari-bot... Have you forgotten..."

"I never forget anything!"

"Writing crack stories isn't about "points", It's about doing what you love and not giving a damn about what other people think! Letting you're mind spew forth your random undiluted crack filled thoughts! Just to make people laugh!"

"... Hey look over there, it's Tuesday!"

"Tuesday! Tuesday's fajita night! FAJITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!" Gokudera's voice slowing disappearing was heard as Hibari-Bot 2.0 sat in the chair.

"Now that he's gone, It's time to start this review special with class!" in a matter of seconds, the whole stage was re-made into a European house's study with candles lit and wine next to everyone's chair and classical music playing for ambiance.

What the Ballz is that guy talking about: Reader-Review Special!

"Hel~lo, I am Hibari-Bot 2.0, and welcome to the What the Ballz is that Guy talking about Reader-Review Special! Today we thank to readers for their support. Let's get started, I'll randomly select one random one... and this one!

-2: "O.O wrong on oh so many levels..."

"And on so many more!"

-3: "Need I to say how much this traumatized me?"

"Please do say, that way we get more ideas."

-4: "No. Hibaka is unworthy of Chrome's love. Pineapple Love forever! And just in case you don't know yet/ are retarded: 1. Pineapple Love is another way of saying 6996, another way of saying chromexmukuro. 2. Pineapple Love Day is January 28!"

"I am Hibari-Bot 2.0, and I get all the Ladies! End of Story!"

-5: "Oh Ryohei, you sexy screaming banana. XD"

"He's not the only sexy banana here"

-6: "Bwahahahahaha! *rols over laughing her ass off* More! I need more of this awesome addicting crack! xD Yes, I'm high, off all the randomness in here~"

"Go to Rehab, quit it, and come back and get high some more. That's the motto here!"

-7: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Yes! Run Reborn! Run for you f**king life! Well done. Just make sure to double check your spelling. "transform into got knows " I think you meant God "

"Well you see Dragoness, to prevent any Dog-goD Jokes, "God" has be legally changed to "Got". So now, the new catchphrase is "Got Got?" If you think this is just an excuse and is completely full of crap... You're exactly right, NEXT!"

-8: "...The words I'm going to kick your ass come to mind...but kuudos for making Byaku look like a f**ing idiot XD" - "Your Master"

"He is a F**ing Idiot!"

-9: "I knew this Fran person was loved, but when I saw him, so was I XD Yes! I was actually waiting for Sho Minamimoto! He's awesome... I was able to recognize mot of the people here XD"

"So was I... Except that computer guy..."

-10: "OH JOSHUA SHES GOT A F*CKIN CHAINSAW! AAH! Th-The hormones...they make pregnant women insane..."

"Just Pregnant Women?"

-11: "you have made me add 'getting killed by singing Varia' to the list of Ways I Don't Wish to Die. XD"

"I don't think those people getting hacked to bits wanted to die that way either."

-12: "lol Squalo is really patient, even I wouldn't have enough patience to say that xDD"

"But you already said 'that'."

-13: "That's just... pure, undiluted crack. But that's what makes it good."

"OH HELLS YA!"

-14: "XDD"

"(^.^) (^.^) (^.^)"

-15: "-traumatized with laugther- very well done. Now that the Hibari-bot is destroyed keep him out of existance, he's scaring the little children XD"

"I'm back to traumatize you more! Especially you... Shorty!"

-16: "THANK YO SO MUCH! AND SO I PULL OUT MY GUN!"

"Are you kidding me! I bring you some extremely hilarious S**T, and you pull a gun on me! NEXT REVIEW!"

-17: "damn. that was entertaining. never heard mukuro swear that much but I guess under xanxus and squalo influence, anything can happen."

"You F**king know it!"

-18: "LOL, Fran in a dress. I'd LOVE to see that. :3"

"Bet you'd like to see what he and Mukuro did at the end, wouldn't all you Fujoshi want to see that? Pervs."

-19: "My reaction exactly Dino...-throws up from K27 and 8059 reference-"

"You rather they swapped partners? And on that note we should end this Reader-review special. I'd like to thank all the readers who took their time to review these stories. God-forbid you go outside or something..." As the Hibari-Bot 2.0 drank some wine, Gokudera came back covered in blood and sweat. "Well well... look who's back. How were those fajitas?"

"You know what... Hibari-Bot 2.0... You're a Dick."

"Well you know what they say... you are what you give to Women... and totally hot one eyed pineapple girls."

"Wait what?"

"And that's the end, goodnight!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

-Dramatic ending music-


End file.
